By Jeffrey Sussman & Robert Brass
Once upon a time, not too long ago, in a land not far
away, lived a lovely young manager of mines named Snow White. While her
days were filled with picking flowers, talking to the animals and chasing
butterflies, her “little” friends did all of the hard work
and heavy lifting. Though they were known by neighbors and competitors
as the “seven dwarfs,” to Snow White they were her little
workers. In fact, she thought of herself as a Queen Bee with “worker
bee” employees who loved their work so much that they would sing
as they went to toil in the salt, copper and silver mines. Every day was
the same, the sun always shone, though not – of course – in
the mines.
Snow White’s little world (no pun intended) was
rocked to its golden foundations when a cocky little mouse sauntered onto
her multi-million-dollar property, gave the place a once over and said:
“Hey babe, you ought to be in pictures; you’ve got to meet
my boss, the big guy. He could make you into a real queen, a movie queen
and part of a vast multi-media enterprise.”
Always interested in fortune and fame, Snow White coldly
evaluated the offer and – of course – the rest is history.
Even the dwarfs became famous, though their names would appear below hers.
Within a year, Snow White merchandise proliferated
like splitting atoms: there were Snow White sheets and towels, Snow White
kitchen ware, Snow White decorating products, etc. You name it, and the
Snow White brand was on it. One large mass-market retailer turned over
65% of its retail space to Snow White products. To keep the products moving
and the cash registers clicking, there were Snow White television shows
about cooking, cleaning, decorating, gardening, dressing and traveling.
She even made it onto the cover of “People” magazine as “Bachelorette
of the Year.” She shared her inexhaustible reservoir of advice with
the masses on “Oprah” while painting a touching picture of
her poverty-stricken youth in Appalachia.
Unbeknownst to Ms. White, her cadre of yes-men/women
executives and her greedy backers, she was about to succumb to “the
law of unintended consequences,” the eventual nemesis-in-waiting
of all overnight success stories. She was the perfect victim: flush with
cash and fame, and ignorant of the explosion that awaited her.
First came a lawsuit from the Department of Labor.
Ms. White was accused of harassing disabled people. She forced vertically
challenged workers (otherwise known as dwarfs) to work more than 40 hours
a week and to use tools (hoes, rakes, shovels, etc.) made for taller people.
Before Ms. White could blink her large eyelids and musically murmur “Oh,
my gosh,” she was being picketed by an army of vertically challenged
movie extras. As if that were not bad enough, she had given plum appointments
to “little” people without consideration for various disabilities.
For example, why wasn’t intellectually challenged Dopey given a
managerial position? Why was Sneezy forced to plant fields—a job
which aggravated his allergies? It was a further injustice that Doc, who
had a Ph.D. in psychology from Yale, was given a cushy job that he had
earned by merit alone. Outrageous!
The Secretary of Labor, sensing a great PR opportunity
as well as a memorable photo op, held a press conference in front of 250,000
little people who had marched on Washington, demanding not just opportunities
in celluloid, but starring roles with above the title credits. The Secretary
announced that he would commence an investigation into all of Snow White’s
enterprises and would not be put off by her sweet, smiling visage and
false innocence. Eager to get in on the public’s sense of outrage,
the EPA closed down all of the mines, claiming that illegal digging had
not only intruded on nationally protected wetlands, but had also threatened
the lives of tsetse flies, an endangered species with wide support among
large groups of exterminators. Kill the tsetse and funds for control of
the virulent insect would dry up.
Suddenly faced with an economic crisis, Snow White
and the Seven Dwarfs found out that they had become unemployable. Forget
about the various mines Ms. White owned; she couldn’t even work
in the movies. Box office receipts evaporated like morning dew. Her various
television programs were cancelled, as were her “how-to” segments
on morning talk shows. She was now featured on “America’s
Most Wanted” as well as on E’s “Mysteries & Scandals.”
Things got so bad that she frantically called her lawyer one morning to
claim that Mike Wallace and a “60 Minutes” video crew were
lying in wait behind her perfectly pruned privet hedge. Even the butterflies
stopped flitting about the house. They could be seen, instead, at the
Shirley Temple Shrine and Museum.
Sounds like Snow White was down for the count, right?
Not so fast! She hired a dream team of high-priced lawyers and an even
more expensive PR agency. Snow White and her backers were able to defeat
the various government agencies and lawsuits. She reconciled with the
Seven Dwarfs and they ultimately re-emerged cleansed from their previous
problems—and bigger than ever (no pun intended).
Capitalizing on their strong brand identification,
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs went on to conquer the world of franchising.
Sales of their existing merchandise returned to their former glory days
and a chain of Snow White Pancake Houses took North America by storm.
The “poison apple fritters” and “Grumpy granola pancakes”
were especially popular. Chains of Snow White toy stores and Snow White
home decorating centers were also big hits. Finally, there was an enormous
IPO that sent the stock market to new heights.
Subsequently the President of the United States appointed
Snow White to his Council of Economic Advisors. The past was forgotten.
The Post Office issued a Snow White Commemorative Stamp. (The Seven Dwarfs
had to settle for seeing their images on post cards).
The morale of the story: America is a land of second
acts. If you fail, you can eventually succeed, especially with the help
of high-priced lawyers, lobbyists and PR consultants. Snow White proved
that history is best rewritten or forgotten.
Author Bio: Jeffrey Sussman is president
of Jeffrey Sussman, Inc., a marketing and public relations agency in New
York. He is the author of “Power Promoting: How to Market Your Business
to the Top!” and nine other books. He teaches marketing at The New
School University. His e-mail is marketingpro@aol.com.
Robert Brass is president of Development II, a market
research, survey and new product development company. He holds 70 patents
on successful products. His website is www.development2.com.
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