By Bruce Bosworth
Business letters are intended to influence minds as well as record information.
Letters are also competing for busy people’s time so how do you achieve
results from your letters?
Personalise letters. Write to people by name and spell names correctly.
If you are sending circular letters and do not have the names of your
contact, instead of opening the letter with Dear Householder, try: Dear
Potential Burglar Victim (if selling security) or Dear Overcharged Borrower
(if trying to sell cheaper finance). Instead of Dear Sales Manager, try:
Dear Business Leader or Dear Knight of the Motorway. No, perhaps not.
Make letters look good. Too many letters are "badly dressed" because of
the clumsy use of typefaces and clip art and dingbats available on word
processing programmes. The default setting on most computers is 12-point
type. It would be interesting to know who made this decision and why because
most newspapers and books use 10 point for body copy, as does this bulletin.
Here are some typographic tips:
- BOLD CAPITALS: Use sparingly, for example
main headlines. Do not underline.
- Bold lowercase: For headlines or sub-headlines.
Do not underline.
- Plain text underline: For third level headings.
- Numbers or bullet points can also be used for third
and fourth level indicators.
- To emphasise a word use italics.
Get straight to the point, don't loiter. Instead of: "I refer to our recent
telephone conversation regarding the debit balance under the above account.
I have enclosed your 31st May 2001 statement showing the latest balance."
Write: "Enclosed is your statement at 31 May 2001 showing the balance due
to us." Continue with facts and persuasion. Finish on a positive tone. State
what action you will take or what action you want the reader to take.
Avoid 'clever dick' headlines. "If you're reading this you know fax broadcasting
works!" read the headline on a junk fax. It doesn't work if the only response
to it is to tear it from the machine and bin it.
Who admires Vanity? No one will believe the wonderful things you write about
yourself even if they are true. For example: "We are the number one suppliers
of widgets and offer the best service available". "The service you have
received was not up to our normal high standards". The first would be improved
by writing: "You would expect us to claim to be the best – The challenge
is proving it" or, "Would you buy inefficiency? If by accident you receive
it from us, we will pay you". The second is better dealt with by honesty
and a little humility: "I am sorry we have let you down. We will work hard
to avoid this happening again – to any of our customers". No one of
course will believe this if the letter is PPd, so sign it yourself.
When is a letter too long? When it bores or confuses the reader. 90% of
letters are 40% too long; they contain waffle, obese sentences and obfuscations.
Remember that the man who was pursuing the frequency of reluctant monetary
transmissions in a hostile environment was in fact collecting debts.
According to Kenneth Roman and Joel Raphaelson, advertising gurus, mailshot
type letters are better long than short providing they have an attractive
offer, grab the readers attention at the beginning, are loaded with relevant
facts and have a message on the envelope. I once read that 97% of direct
mail does not get a response. But Roman and Raphaelson say it is only junk
mail if it is of no interest to the reader. Maybe Roman and Raphaelson,
like Victorian lawyers, are paid by the word.
For in-company courses or speakers for conferences and company business
events contact:
Bosworth Associates
22a Worcester Road
Hagley, West Midlands, DY9 0LD.
T: +44 1562 884810
F: +44 1562 884259
E: bnb@pump.dircon.co.uk
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